Me Rambling

Some Old Poems

    I compiled some random poems from the past four years of my life to post.  The first ones are the oldest, and the last one is the most recent that I wrote.  The topics vary from my brief period running track in high school, to the emotional struggles of a teenager, to when husband of mine finally asked me out.  It varies.  A few of these poems are actually responses to others, for example Chance, Killing Me, and Hold Me are all kind of one big story.  The last one was written for my creative writing class where I had to write an imagery poem.  I hope you guys enjoy!

My head is pounding.
My lungs are screaming.
My legs are breaking.
My arms are sighing.
I feel like giving up.
Is this worth it all?
The pain is unbearable.
I want to stop.
I feel as if I’m dying.
I cannot stop.
I must keep going.
Don’t give up.
Don’t start slowing.
The race is almost over.
Time is almost up.
I push my hardest.
Keep running to win.

No words can describe
My feelings for you,
But you’ll never know
These feelings are true.
We’ll always be friends,
But there’s so much more
That I want to give,
To much to ignore.
Lost in your arms
During that dance
Is where i want to be.
Can’t i have the chance
To tell you how i feel
So our love can grow?
No, I can’t ruin friendship,
So you’ll never know.

Killing Me
I struggle for breath.
The pain of every unspoken word
Presses down on my
Until nothing else is heard.
I know I should be honest
And tell you everything on my mind,
But I don’t want you to know
Because your gentle heart is too kind.
If I tell you what’s happening,
That I’m gong insane,
I’ll be able to breathe,
But you’ll feel all the pain.
I don’t want to hurt you,
I’ll let you fly free,
So no one will know
That you’re killing me.

Hold Me
Hide the pain from myself,
The disappointment from you.
But no matter what I say,
There’s nothing I can do.
Your mind is made up,
Just friends, no more.
Glad you were far away,
Didn’t hear my heart when it tore.
The look on your face,
Forever burned in my mind.
Try to hide my weakness,
Because you’re so kind.
Tried to cover it all up,
But I think you could still see.
For now I only want one thing,
So please just hold me.

Do I dare hope?
Every time before it came crashing odwn.
Ruined right in front of my eyes.
Every dream, destroyed.
Every hope, vanished.
Every wish, crushed.

How have I survived if I’m afraid?
Afraid to dream,
To hope,
To wish.

A star comes out.
I stopped wishing after the first streak of failures.
Am I brave this time?
Do I take the challenge?
A flicker of courage passes through me.
I take a leap.

Faith has never tasted so bittersweet.

Just Friends
We’ve known each other for a while,
But we’ve never shared more than a smile,
And maybe exchanged a word or two,
But I’ve still never been that close to you.
Then we had that one extraordinary night,
Our shared secrets opened up my sight.
My feelings for you became more
Than anything we’d ever had before.
But could you feel that way for me?
Is it possible that we could be
Something better than just friends,
Sharing a love that never ends?
It’s impossible to see what the future would hold
If I were to act that bold.
So for now we’ll take it slow,
And just see where this friendship may go.

I’ve never felt this way before,
The way I feel about you,
So I told you how I felt,
And you said you felt it too.
Why is it so hard this time
To love you with all my heart,
When I can’t stop thinking about you,
Especially when we are apart?
I’ve been hurt once before,
Because he had lied
And left me for her,
As my heart died.
But you’re not like him,
You treat me differently,
So why is it so hard
For my heart to see
That time heals all wounds,
Even from the sharpest knife,
And it is time to open up
And come back to life.
But then my mind takes control,
Leaving worries in the air,
Mostly questions about the future,
Especially of how long you’ll be there.
I want to be more hopeful,
But the worries creep back inside.
The fear of pain starts growing,
Scaring my heart and making it hide.
It’s hard for me to open up
When I’ve kept quiet for so long,
But when you opened up to me
You gave my heart a song
Of hope, love, and friendship
That finally made me feel
Like your gentle magic
Would make my heart heal.

None of these puzzle pieces fit together.
They seemed to go to hundreds of different puzzles,
But they fell from the same box.
The only way to see a clear picture was to take them apart,
So I tore apart your soul trying desperately to understand why.

Did you ever want to be my friend?
Or did you play me like a board game
Just for fun?
Or was it only to get to him?

I see a whole congregation
Trapped in one body.
A cluster of masks lay concealed
In the corners of your decrepit conscience.
You passed out lies like goody bags
To everyone who attended the party of your deceits.
The fragrance of fiction and forgery
Surrounded me when I fell for your falsehoods.

But now the pieces of your treachery
Lay uncovered and in the open
For anyone who looks to see.
Most choose not to see
Because most do not understand.

I understand who you are,
But I will never understand why.

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